i feel like i’m lying to everyone’s face with every smile…

she finally broke down and cried this morning.
i stood down there and did nothing,
not even words of consolation.
i wasn’t able to do anything, again.
at that moment,
i felt the pain, deep in me.
i wanted to get back to sleep,
but i just couldn’t.

i went to school with a heavy heart,
i couldn’t forget anything about her.
i tried keeping myself occupied with projects and assignments
but it didn’t work.
images of her crying this morning,
keeps running in and out of my mind.
stayed in school till 8pm,
and finally went home reluctantly.
on the way back..
i questioned myself,
if i’m not that useless,
would everything be different from now.
i find myself damn fucking useless..
i couldn’t even be much of a help in situations.

sigh..

give me a little bit more of time to try and get over everything
and i’ll be back to normal.

last night, i…
told her i didn’t want to go to school today,
and she wasn’t happy with it.
she insisted that i must go to school today,
and i didn’t agree with her.
she couldn’t get see the reason why must i keep skipping,
still i insisted on skipping.
i suppose she’s angry and disappointed with me now…

but in the end, i still went to school…
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reluctantly…
and she didn’t know.

i admit i’m a stubborn ass whenever i’m in a very foul mood.
i won’t give in, neither will i compromise with another.
i really didn’t mean to make anyone angry,
but it always end up hurting or pissing someone off.
it’s only in the end,
when i start to blame myself for all those happenings.
i know all these will happen,
but still i can’t stop it from happening.

never ending problems,
un-understandable feelings,
unpredictable thoughts,
indescribable pain.
i’ve got no one to talk to,
so keeping everything to myself..
blame myself for not able to trust anyone,
blame myself for not changing,
blame myself for everything.

everyone wants me to..
understand how they feel,
put myself in their shoes,
understand their situation,
try and help.
but…
can i ?

i wanted to feel the pain,
i didn’t want to be someone who has got no feeling
and so i did it.

the hidden feelings,
the unspoken words,
the unwanted memories,
the untold truth.
who’s there, to listen to everything.

i just want to leave this place as fast as possible,
to get to somewhere far away from here,
and never return.

just edit the theme of this blog cause i feel like doing it.
lol.
didn’t know what to update right now.
hasn’t been able to get some good sleep for some time.
irregular sleeping time has a rather bad impact on me.
even though i ain’t having a good time with my current projects but i don’t feel that stress at all.
i got no idea why.
i don’t even feel like studying actually,
if not because of…
i wouldn’t have care at all.
oh well.
i’ll update another time when i finish my DB project,
it’s like totally screwed up though.
didn’t want others to get a lousy grade
just because i’m not interested
and i’m not doing it properly.

Yamashita Tomohisa & Kamenashi Kazuya in Nobuta Wo Produce

Yamashita Tomohisa & Horikita Maki in Kurosagi.

i really think Yamashita Tomohisa is very cool and good looking (he’s cute as well!).
Been watching too much JDrama recently that i totally forget to get my practicals and tutorials done within the week. Hmm, i have finished watching Kurosagi and Nobuta Wo Produce so far and i’m going to start watching Proposal Daisakusen and Last Friends or even Dragon Zakura as well if i can find it online. ((:
Holidays over now and school has started for about four days (to be exact) already.

Common Test results,
DB - not yet given back.
OOAD - D (well, it’s expected though but somehow i don’t feel good with it still.)
WAD - A+ (it was lucky that manage to get a A+, cause lecturer told us that marks are being moderated slightly because there was too many people achieving A.)
EBF - not yet given back as well.

Well, i guess i’ll be stopping here and start watching Proposal Daisakusen already.
ciao!

Lyrics :
I have known you my whole life
When you were ten, you said you’d make me your wife
Eight years later you won me over
Just as I took the world on my shoulders

I got used to living without you
Endless phone calls and dreaming about you
Always said that you were my man to be
But I guess I was in love with your memory

You know I love you, I really do
But I can’t fight anymore for you
And I don’t know, maybe we’ll be together again
Sometime, in another life
In another life

I know I said that I would keep my word
I wished that I could save you from the hurt
But things will never go back to how we were
I’m sorry I can’t be your world

You know I love you, I really do
But I can’t fight anymore for you
And I don’t know, maybe we’ll be together again
Sometime, in another life
In another life (another life)

The way you’re holding on to me
Makes me feel like I can’t breathe
Just let me go, just let me go
It just won’t feel right inside
God knows I’ve tried

You know I love you, you know I do
But I can’t fight anymore for you
And I don’t know, maybe we’ll be together again
Sometime, in another life

In another life, in another life

In another life …

hasn’t been blogging for a long time, i suppose.
Common Test is officially over and i suppose the results are going to be very sucky.
First paper, DB - didn’t manage to complete the paper in time cause i were busy viewing the scenery around the exam venue instead. this results in a loss of god-knows-how-many marks.
Second paper, WAD - manage to complete everything in time, cause this time round there’s no scenery around in the exam venue, which is in one particular classroom of the IS block. everyone is saying that the paper is easy and whatsoever, this makes me feel no confidence at all to achieve that freaking AD.
Third paper, OOAD - i can predict that i’ll just flunk this paper. okay maybe not so exaggerated, a C or D for it. if i seriously can pass this paper, i guess it must be pure luck. i completed that paper within 40minutes and i slept through the rest of the time. not bad uh, so i wouldn’t have my hopes up high for this module.
Last paper, EBF - seriously screwed up. didn’t know what the questions were talking about and neither do i know how to answer. brain wasn’t working and something happened at the night before the paper. wouldn’t hope for a good result for it either.

i’ll just stop talking about CT already, don’t really feel good about it.
not going to talk about my thoughts or feelings anymore on this blog, just going to leave it as it is. i rather keep everything to myself than to tell anybody else. don’t need to guess for the reasons why, cause i know what i’m doing.

“nothing last forever”, i have already craved this into my head.